I relate to this a lot. Sometimes my husband says to me that I worry to just have something to worry about. That is definitely far from the truth. I don’t want to worry. But it’s a tough scary world out there and so many bad things can happen. As I started this new school year, my 15th as an elementary school teacher, I made it my motto to stop overthinking. Whenever I catch my self start to worry and overthink about how I interacted with a colleague, taught a lesson, wrote an email to a parent, I am saying to myself these words. “No need to over think this. You are doing your best in this moment. If it’s not landing as you desire you can change your future actions. Or don’t change at all and just believe that who you are and how you show up in the world is good enough. We are all living and breathing and getting wrong and getting it right and that is as the world is.” Or something like that! I have so much internalized shame and not enoughness, and that is my process of being a human. It’s so nice to read your thoughts about all of this, Laura. Like having a nice cup of tea in your warm home together.
Thank you so much, Rebeca!! I appreciate what you shared here (and of course, I relate). I love the kindness and compassion in your self-talk, too— a wonderful antidote to the internalized shame! Reading your response was like getting to share over a cup of tea— grateful for the conversation!
Big over-thinker over here 👋🏻 so I appreciated this article. Thank you.
When I’m feeling down my list of failures are endless. When I’m feeling hopeful the same list are stepping stones or pivot points of my story.
Some choices (‘failures’) I made were simply me looking for belonging, love and acceptance. Something I don’t ever remember feeling in childhood. As you say, I never cultivated a sense of what’s truly right for me and went looking in all the wrong places for something that was really just a myth. My idea of belonging, love and acceptance was hugely distorted.
For the first time in my life, at the age of 44, I can see clearly how the belief that I am not good enough has shaped so much of what I have or haven’t done.
Overthinking was always present.
Seeing clearly rather than being in the constant muddle of overthinking has something that has shifted for me recently. I’m not sure why or what happened. But it did.
I’m applying for grad school next year. I also want to become a therapist. It’s something that I have wanted to do since 2019 but I was too scared to until now.
Love reading your reflections and thoughtful comments— so relatable— and I am cheering you on with this grad school decision. It’s absolutely never too late!
A childhood system that made careful calculation the actual path to safety doesn't get outgrown just because the original threat is gone. The strategy stays perfectly rational to the part of the nervous system that installed it, which is exactly why noticing the pressure, rather than trying to argue yourself out of it directly, is the right first move. You can't reason your way past a pattern that was never really about reasoning in the first place.
I'm definitely in the overthinkers' club, the endless cycle that leads to anxiety, fear, worry, and doubt. I resonated with seeing many of my decisions as failures too- things that didn't work out- but when do we ever get a guarantee? We take a risk and take a chance to follow the direction of the choices we make in life! We're on the journey; one path leads to another experience! Thanks, Laura, your words always land right where they need to be!
I relate to this a lot. Sometimes my husband says to me that I worry to just have something to worry about. That is definitely far from the truth. I don’t want to worry. But it’s a tough scary world out there and so many bad things can happen. As I started this new school year, my 15th as an elementary school teacher, I made it my motto to stop overthinking. Whenever I catch my self start to worry and overthink about how I interacted with a colleague, taught a lesson, wrote an email to a parent, I am saying to myself these words. “No need to over think this. You are doing your best in this moment. If it’s not landing as you desire you can change your future actions. Or don’t change at all and just believe that who you are and how you show up in the world is good enough. We are all living and breathing and getting wrong and getting it right and that is as the world is.” Or something like that! I have so much internalized shame and not enoughness, and that is my process of being a human. It’s so nice to read your thoughts about all of this, Laura. Like having a nice cup of tea in your warm home together.
Thank you so much, Rebeca!! I appreciate what you shared here (and of course, I relate). I love the kindness and compassion in your self-talk, too— a wonderful antidote to the internalized shame! Reading your response was like getting to share over a cup of tea— grateful for the conversation!
Big over-thinker over here 👋🏻 so I appreciated this article. Thank you.
When I’m feeling down my list of failures are endless. When I’m feeling hopeful the same list are stepping stones or pivot points of my story.
Some choices (‘failures’) I made were simply me looking for belonging, love and acceptance. Something I don’t ever remember feeling in childhood. As you say, I never cultivated a sense of what’s truly right for me and went looking in all the wrong places for something that was really just a myth. My idea of belonging, love and acceptance was hugely distorted.
For the first time in my life, at the age of 44, I can see clearly how the belief that I am not good enough has shaped so much of what I have or haven’t done.
Overthinking was always present.
Seeing clearly rather than being in the constant muddle of overthinking has something that has shifted for me recently. I’m not sure why or what happened. But it did.
I’m applying for grad school next year. I also want to become a therapist. It’s something that I have wanted to do since 2019 but I was too scared to until now.
Love reading your reflections and thoughtful comments— so relatable— and I am cheering you on with this grad school decision. It’s absolutely never too late!
A childhood system that made careful calculation the actual path to safety doesn't get outgrown just because the original threat is gone. The strategy stays perfectly rational to the part of the nervous system that installed it, which is exactly why noticing the pressure, rather than trying to argue yourself out of it directly, is the right first move. You can't reason your way past a pattern that was never really about reasoning in the first place.
Well-said! 🎯
I'm definitely in the overthinkers' club, the endless cycle that leads to anxiety, fear, worry, and doubt. I resonated with seeing many of my decisions as failures too- things that didn't work out- but when do we ever get a guarantee? We take a risk and take a chance to follow the direction of the choices we make in life! We're on the journey; one path leads to another experience! Thanks, Laura, your words always land right where they need to be!
Thank you, Anne! I love what you’ve said here— when do we ever get a guarantee? (And what a boring life that would be!) 🙏😘